Rant number... I lost count, let's start over: 1.

I am so pissed. My dad is such an asshole. I reinjured my back today. So tonight I'm thinking, oh maybe I can be in bed before 2am for the first night in a week. But noooo. Before I even get a chance to do what I need to do he comes running in wanting to look at home based businesses, at 11 fucking pm. I was like, whatever, and did it, only because it was for me. Then he's all "Oh that ones for me." "That's actually for me." FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE!

Then there's this one, for him of course, where it sends you the information as an e-book. and I'm like "It costs, plus it doesn't even mail it to you, it sends it as an e-book and you don't have a computer to read it on." and he's like yeah I do, this one.

I'm thinking to myself, "LIKE FUCKING HELL YOU DO YOU MOTHER FUCKING ASSHOLE. Looking up stuff, fine, the occasional resume, letter or fax cover, great. You do pay for Road Runner after all. But tying up my computer for some stupid ass rip off second work from home bullshit? NO. You have a job. I don't. PLUS IT'S MY FUCKING COMPUTER! I BOUGHT IT! MYSELF! ALL FUCKING MINE THE GODDAMN ASSHOLE!"

Now, there's so much rage flowing through me I'm crying and LITERALLY shaking.

My Fatal Flaw, by Ephram Brown

The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change.

I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse.

So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little.

When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do.

But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again.

I don't wanna be anything other than what I been tryin' to be lately. All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind. I don't wanna be anything other than what I been tryin' to be lately. All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind. I'm tired of lookin' round rooms wonderin' what I gotta do, or who I'm supposed to be. I don't wanna be anything other than me.

I been on One Tree Hill. hehe. Yay